This weekend was my first work on professional development. It was a conference about LGBT and creating and ensuring a safe classroom environment. What an inspiring weekend to be able to witness over a hundred LGBTIAQ kids come together in one setting for a weekend celebration ending with a "alternative" prom. This was a prom designed to come as your are with not judgements, or as super hero of course. During the meetings there was several talks about making sure that the youth are safe and comfortable in classroom. This event was so eye opening and amazing. I felt like the kids that attended were so expressive of themselves. There was so much color and wildness that was just a huge display of love and unity amongst kids. there was no judgement or hate, but instead smiles and enjoyment of great company and human interaction, all appropriate of course.
While listening to these speakers talk about their kids spanning from straight to transgender, I felt so embarrassed that my confidence and pride was far lesser than these individuals. For months I have been battling if I should come out to my students. I say to myself, "I'm sure they all know," Knowing darn well that they don't. It is why I have a cube of Logan and I on my desk. To defer the question. I also think, "It wont make a difference, they'll still hate math." "They don't care." and anything else that could be said to block myself and convince myself that being ambiguous is just better.
I am at a hard place, my students are doing very well, kids respect me for what I do and want to be in my class. They enjoy learning math from me, or at least I hope. I battle with the real importance of me coming out. Would I push some students away?
I already mentor the Gay Straight Transgender Alliance group. I coach the cheerleading team. I have had students feel safe to be themselves and come out to me. I feel that my connection with the LGBT at my school embraces my presence as an ally, would it make a difference if I was gay, and more than an ally. I wonder if kids would feel empowered to me more independent from my coming out, would administration skew against this? More importantly, would my students continue to learn math from one of their favorite teachers or would my being gay block this learning? Should I just keep my personal life personal and focus on my job of teaching math? This constant game of devils advocate it getting tiring.
Hearing and seeing the strength these kids have to everyday be themselves knowing they are going to be picked on is inspiring but also defeating. Their is still such a struggle to be yourself in a public place. I wish that students would feel real and open with my environment to focus on the learning at hand, instead of the hatred being thrown. These kids are able to channel this negativity as fuel for themselves. They do not surrender and hold their flame high. I open my door to them and all kids of any life to be welcome and have a teacher/mentor/friend. I however, hope to be as strong and courageous as those who attended this meeting and continue to show the world their true colors. Until then the battle will continue.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
ARE WE DONE YET?!
My recent goals have been going well. I feel that there is a a much better vibe in my classroom as a whole that is helping for students to succeed better. I have started to be more firm about tangents within the classroom. Increasing the focus has provided the students with better notes for the quiz that was given today.
Recently I have had a large influx of students asking, "Are we done yet?" Which is clearly starting to get under my skin as it does with a parent driving a car on a long distance road trip. I am aware that taking notes can be quite a painful task even more so when I hate the sound of my voice, however at some point this is needed for understanding,reinforcement, and instruction. I do think that I have condensed notes that keep things brief and time at the board limited. I allow the kids chances to get to the board and slow the pace of the class. However, it never seems to fail that the students are relentless. I know that there needs to be put a cap on this expression so that I do not lose my sanity. I am not sure of what approach I should take.
I think that my classroom has been better that I provide many digraphs around my room. I like to provide visuals in my room of the chapter that we are currently on so that kids can be use these instead of cheat on their phone or computer. I also think that the visuals help students feel more comfortable to stay on task. I think the colorful pictures also get attention from nosey students.
I have been working on my monitoring of the classroom. I am really trying to hone in on the students that are lacking in skills and afraid to ask questions. I am trying to get to each student at a one on one level to ensure tasks are being completed during the course. I feel that from observations that I watched how other teachers monitor to improve on mine. As I walk around I can hear and notice things from an other level, I like to talk with the students one to one eye level. Having more student work time allows for them to do the work instead of me showing them what is to be done.
Personal addition:
Things have been going well here in Maine. We recently had a hail storm that provided a wonderful 4" of ice on the ground. I have been getting closer to my friends here and I have been able to stay close with my family. The weather seems to be getting on everyones nerves including mine. I am ready for my vacation with Logan and to have my job interview in April. Living at the dorms tends to get under my skin. The kids are constantly being needy as I would expect since they are high school guys and there are so many of them. I think that there is just too much going on in the dorms and teaching and trying to be part of things at school that have been tough recently. I am learning to live and adapt to surroundings with so many different cultures. This has been an incredible learning experience for myself to teach later English learning students. I am very glad for this time I have. I complain a lot but the guys have been great mostly.
Next week I conquer, "Is this right?" The worst question on the planet!
Recently I have had a large influx of students asking, "Are we done yet?" Which is clearly starting to get under my skin as it does with a parent driving a car on a long distance road trip. I am aware that taking notes can be quite a painful task even more so when I hate the sound of my voice, however at some point this is needed for understanding,reinforcement, and instruction. I do think that I have condensed notes that keep things brief and time at the board limited. I allow the kids chances to get to the board and slow the pace of the class. However, it never seems to fail that the students are relentless. I know that there needs to be put a cap on this expression so that I do not lose my sanity. I am not sure of what approach I should take.
I think that my classroom has been better that I provide many digraphs around my room. I like to provide visuals in my room of the chapter that we are currently on so that kids can be use these instead of cheat on their phone or computer. I also think that the visuals help students feel more comfortable to stay on task. I think the colorful pictures also get attention from nosey students.
I have been working on my monitoring of the classroom. I am really trying to hone in on the students that are lacking in skills and afraid to ask questions. I am trying to get to each student at a one on one level to ensure tasks are being completed during the course. I feel that from observations that I watched how other teachers monitor to improve on mine. As I walk around I can hear and notice things from an other level, I like to talk with the students one to one eye level. Having more student work time allows for them to do the work instead of me showing them what is to be done.
Personal addition:
Things have been going well here in Maine. We recently had a hail storm that provided a wonderful 4" of ice on the ground. I have been getting closer to my friends here and I have been able to stay close with my family. The weather seems to be getting on everyones nerves including mine. I am ready for my vacation with Logan and to have my job interview in April. Living at the dorms tends to get under my skin. The kids are constantly being needy as I would expect since they are high school guys and there are so many of them. I think that there is just too much going on in the dorms and teaching and trying to be part of things at school that have been tough recently. I am learning to live and adapt to surroundings with so many different cultures. This has been an incredible learning experience for myself to teach later English learning students. I am very glad for this time I have. I complain a lot but the guys have been great mostly.
Next week I conquer, "Is this right?" The worst question on the planet!
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