The strength of the youth is inspiring.

This weekend was my first work on professional development. It was a conference about LGBT and creating and ensuring a safe classroom environment. What an inspiring weekend to be able to witness over a hundred LGBTIAQ kids come together in one setting for a weekend celebration ending with a "alternative" prom. This was a prom designed to come as your are with not judgements, or as super hero of course. During the meetings there was several talks about making sure that the youth are safe and comfortable in classroom. This event was so eye opening and amazing. I felt like the kids that attended were so expressive of themselves. There was so much color and wildness that was just a huge display of love and unity amongst kids. there was no judgement or hate, but instead smiles and enjoyment of great company and human interaction, all appropriate of course.

While listening to these speakers talk about their kids spanning from straight to transgender, I felt so embarrassed that my confidence and pride was far lesser than these individuals. For months I have been battling if I should come out to my students. I say to myself, "I'm sure they all know," Knowing darn well that they don't. It is why I have a cube of Logan and I on my desk. To defer the question. I also think, "It wont make a difference, they'll still hate math." "They don't care." and anything else that could be said to block myself and convince myself that being ambiguous is just better.
I am at a hard place, my students are doing very well, kids respect me for what I do and want to be in my class. They enjoy learning math from me, or at least I hope. I battle with the real importance of me coming out. Would I push some students away?

I already mentor the Gay Straight Transgender Alliance group. I coach the cheerleading team. I have had students feel safe to be themselves and come out to me. I feel that my connection with the LGBT at my school embraces my presence as an ally, would it make a difference if I was gay, and more than an ally. I wonder if kids would feel empowered to me more independent from my coming out, would administration skew against this? More importantly, would my students continue to learn math from one of their favorite teachers or would my being gay block this learning? Should I just keep my personal life personal and focus on my job of teaching math? This constant game of devils advocate it getting tiring.

Hearing and seeing the strength these kids have to everyday be themselves knowing they are going to be picked on is inspiring but also defeating. Their is still such a struggle to be yourself in a public place. I wish that students would feel real and open with my environment to focus on the learning at hand, instead of the hatred being thrown. These kids are able to channel this negativity as fuel for themselves. They do not surrender and hold their flame high. I open my door to them and all kids of any life to be welcome and have a teacher/mentor/friend. I however,  hope to be as strong and courageous as those who attended this meeting and continue to show the world their true colors. Until then the battle will continue.